A Vietnamese Wedding
Yesterday I attended my first Vietnamese wedding. The events here are somewhat of a legend. Most Vietnamese spend the majority of their time dreaming of and planning their marriage. The actual event, therefore, is the culmination of years of desires, day dreams, hopes, fears and anxieties.
The invitation said to arrive at 5:30pm so we did. We sat there fairly uncomfortably for a full hour before the next guest arrived. Apparently it's considered normal to arrive an hour after the invitation says to...? Right on schedule, at 6:30pm all the guests streamed in, throwing us shocked and mystified glances and taking their seats on the plastic stools set out for the wedding.
I became the focus of conversations a few times..."so when will you be getting married?" "I'm sure you have a beautiful voice, please sing karaoke" and so forth. I even had to pose for a photo with the bride's bouquet which is said to be a sure sign of marriage in the near future.
The reception itself was tres bizarre. Guests streamed in in outfits ranging from dresses to jeans. One five year old girl had her hair crimped, her make up applied and her nipples sticking way out of her dress. Until someone mentioned it to her and made her self conscious for the rest of the event.
The waiters consistently replaced our empty beer bottles and the guests dutifully drank it, shouting "Mot, hai, Ba, YO!" (One, two, three, YO!) before every second or third swig. Six courses were served, five of them containing meat. So I sat and accepted the horrified reactions at my vegetarian preferences...
And then the wedding ended as abruptly as it had began. Seconds after our last course had been placed on the table, 400 people somehow received a signal to leave and simultaneously rose and left. Of course we were the weirdos who don't know enough to do things right. We weren't aware that we had arrived an hour early by arriving on time, we missed the signal to bolt for the door and I didn't eat the meat??????????? Those weirdo foreigners...
posted by HH at 3:38 PM
22 Comments:
you should also see a wedding here in the philippines :)
btw, have you read a book by "the sorrow of war" by bao nihn?
3:06 PM
Nowadays, the weddings in Vietnam are so materialized, especially in the big city like Saigon. People just want to invite guests, as many as possible, as a way to show off their wealth and protect family "face" by having a big and expensive wedding. I remember so vividly growing up in Vung Tau in the 80s where people had their weddings right at their backyard (or front yard) and the feast could go on for at least 2 days. People who live in the neighborhood would come together for extra hands in preparation for the ceremonies and the food. Somehow I miss the collective intricacy of Vietnamese traditional wedding...which we don't see it too frequently in the modern 21st century.
7:27 AM
btw, mot hai ba yo is actually one, two, three, and vo (in)
so they're actually saying, one, two, three, in! (which is kind of comical when you translate it like that)
you hear yo because southerners say "v's" like "y's."
5:37 AM
To add onto "vo." It's basically saying "Drink up!" by implying the beer to go "in." Kinda like when english says "1, 2, 3, go!"
I know that usually people come in 1 hour late but I never thought of leaving right after eating. I remember people leaving early in my cousin's wedding and being pretty upset of that idea. I was taught that drinking last at least 3 hours, so I don't think it's polite to leave after eating. Maybe their friends were not close or just came for the food.
12:54 AM
"Anonymous", good call on distinguishing between the southern "y" and northern "v"! It's very true.
I've been to at least 20 Viet weddings, and depending on the two families' socioeconomic classes (sadly), you may notice different practices. I've been to some bad, ghetto weddings as well as classy (though showy) ones, too. But overall, there's always either a lot of loud drunkenness and/or awkward silence.
People get up and leave right after the cake because the "entertainment" follows. They all want to avoid the customary blaring live music accompanying all the couples trying to twist and cha cha.
And yes, "Vietnamese Time" means anywhere between 15 minutes to 2 hours late, especially to weddings.
Hope your next wedding's a better experience! :)
6:28 PM
Maybe you're talking about a wedding in HCMC - I heard that it's normal to arrive late in weddings in HCMC. But in Hanoi, people are used to come on time or 15 mins later the most.
However, a Vietnamese wedding must be strange to foreigners ...
12:07 AM
You haven't been to a Vietnamese's wedding. All you did was attended the Reception.
The Vietnamese wedding ceremonies are usually held at a church, temple or the bride & groom's home in the morning (a whole day event) before the reception (which is held in the evening).
Vietnamese wedding ceremony is beautiful and rich in ceremony. And it is normally reserved for Families & very close friends. Now you know why you're not invited to the CEREMONY!
7:17 AM
I myself just recently attended my first vietnamese wedding. Wow, how extravagent they can be. I accompanied my vientamese boyfriend so had an idea of what to expect. 10 course meal, lots of beer. Guests started to arrive 1 hour and 45 minutes after it was suppose to begin. 3/4 of the people left right after the last course was served. It was exciting. They spent about $15k on the wedding and received nearly that in gifts!
4:14 AM
This artical remind me the time i spend in vietnam. It was such a great time. But i didn't got a chance to attend a wedding, hope i can attend one in my next visit. I didn't know about the tradition of coming late, i though vietnamee people are very serious about there time, i had many issues when i came late to work :( , so i try my best to keep up the time, since we indians supposed to have this tradition :)
2:18 AM
well yes, i'm very vietnamese and know that they almost always come late. but to your wedding, it is odd that they leave early. must be an older couple. nowadays our weddings are like: take pictures w/bride n groom, big dinner, cake cutting and live music playiing, then bride and groom walks to each table to greet and thank the guests, then ballroom dancing afterwards. i myself enjoy it very much. you must have went to one boring wedding. of course if you didnt understand anything it wouldnt have been nice. now most weddings have an mc that speaks in viet and english so other guests won't feel so left out.
3:13 PM
Sorry the viet wedding was so weird/uncomfortable for you. I hope you don't take this one experience and generalize all Viet weddings on that basis. I'm not sure how weddings are in Vietnam but over in the states, it has a east-meets-west quality. They do traditional stuff at the bride's house (like the procession, tea ceremony, jewelery placement etc...) and then have a reception at a restaurant. At the receptions I've been to, that's when the bride rocks the western bridal gown. Of course, if you're Vietnamese Christian, you'll most likely hold a ceremony in a church.
4:41 AM
We are invited to a Vietnamese wedding today! What do guests wear? It is hot today and will continue to be hot through the night. Also, should we arrive at 7:45pm for a 6pm wedding banquet?
thanks, caucasion needs to know
7:18 AM
Hi Anonymous,
Plan to be there by 7:30 and anticipated to wait for 15 minutes before it starts. If you are a male, wear a suit and tie. If you are a female and is a close relative to the bride/groom, then wear an evening gown. However, if you are attending a friend's wedding then wear a cocktail dress.
Hope this helps.
Becky.
1:14 PM
what the author describes is true in 99% of the vietnamese wedding banquets in the United States. Guests always arrive late because everybody thinks other guests will be late. This mindset is impossible to change. How do I know this? I am a vietnamese american and I have been many many vietnamese wedding banquets here in the US. I am planning my wedding and don't know what to do to encourage the guests to arrive on time. What I will do is to inform my non-vietnamese friends to arrive about an hour late. lol.
7:22 AM
Definately depends on the family and their socio-economic classes. Their understanding and objectives in weddings. I am Vietnamese, and the wedding I have attended were awesome! It's true that unfortunately most weddings do start late (but the late arrivee are mostly not courteous and have little self-respect), however, the wedding truely reflect directly upon the family and their friends. The weddings I've been to were no less extravagant, the people were polite, and it was full of entertainment and warmness-there wasn't any extremeness. It's just a matter of the education and how culture the family is too...just like any other culture. And being to one "bad" Vietnamese wedding does not do justice for all. Rather, one should look at the family that hosted the wedding and see what kind of background they came from.
10:39 PM
I'm getting maried to a vietanmese this year.I'm a white Australian.I can also speak vietnamese.Toi nguoi UC,va toi biet de dam cuoi o VietNam(chi mot it ma).there are alot of things to remember, the offical ceremony IS at the Parents house. I have to bring vaiuous items, a cooked pig on a spit, Wine , Rice(ten la com hanh phuc-happy/party rice)and speacial cake(banh ngot cho ket hon)there are alot of differnt rules, some rules are being taken out.Example:traditionally after the groom finishes at the brides house , the couple goes to the grooms house.There also a part about kneeling at family anstor alter which my wedding will be ommitting-you can custom to have what ever you feel comfortable with, but the main theme, as in all weddings is two people expressing their love to each other,Nhung party o nha hnag luon co nhieu nguoi, va du lich cho tien mat.Toi chi mong , toi se ra vui ve va song suong sung mai mai.
7:56 PM
This is SO refreshing to read about,and I enjoy the uniqueness of this amazing culture!
11:05 AM
western grooms Mum.
With only a few days notice my husband and I had to put together the gifts, jewellery, money etc to play our bit in the traditional bethrothal/wedding ceremony. It was very moving especially having these traditions at the home with only the close family and friends. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We are however unable to compete with the vietnamese wedding breakfast and are only having a tradional western one in two weeks for fifty people and then heading over to vietnam later in the year to repeat it all for all the vietnamese relatives. is this normal???
11:35 AM
hahahaha
good one
12:23 PM
Sounds a little like what I'm expecting of a friend's wedding next month. I'm also vegetarian. Though my partner and I and several of our shared friends are, too--the groom keeps forgetting that we don't consider seafood vegetables. -_- I'm a little worried. I don't want to be rude, but I get a little sick when I even smell some seafoods...We'll try to sample what we can and have a good time.
5:48 AM
One thing to consider about Vietnamese time, at least for Weddings in the US, is the typical industry that most Vietnamese people work in; the Nail industry. Most Vietnamese weddings take place after 6:30PM on Friday or Saturday nights, which is still work hours for many nail technicians. Whether it be work ethic, inability to leave work early, or just the fact that they want to make more money at the salon, this is another reason why some might be late to the wedding. It may not be the blatant disregard for promptness.
4:00 AM
I was lucky to attend a Traditional Vietnamese wedding a few years ago and posted some pictures on my blog The Vietnam Traveler.
I love the look of the Ao Dai but like the one for a wedding even more.
7:35 AM
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