An Open Letter to Western Men
Dear Male Traveler,
Please heed my advice- DO NOT date the Vietnamese women. Unless you
plan on taking one as a bride, do the women a favor and leave them
alone. It will not turn out good.
Yes, they are very beautiful. Yes, they are extraordinarily sweet and
innocent. Yes, they will wait on you hand and foot. And yes, they are
sassy with Western men. DO NOT be fooled. These are not girls
interested in a good time or a hot night. In fact, these ideas are as
appalling to them as a nude beach or an all-night drinking binge.
These are women who desire a husband, for richer or poorer, that they
can follow to the end of the earth, cooking and cleaning and baring
children. Not to say that is all they are capable of, but this is what
their culture instructs them to be. And this is a culture they are not
going to escape for a long time.
Opposite sex relations is very traditional in Vietnamese culture. Men
and women remain largely separated from each other and are often seen
holding hands and affectionately petting members of the same sex only.
Courtship is quick and marriage the sole point of dating. What we
would consider a “crush” is overwhelming love in their eyes. And, as a
result of repressed sexuality, their fantasy life leaks into their real
life and they often cannot tell which is which. So, while you may be
enjoying the attentions of a delicate flower, they are most likely
dreadfully and fatally caught up in a in Prince Charming fantasy in
which you will whisk them away from their small village like some
Cinderella story and take them to the magical Kingdom of the West.
Their hopes for their future are placed solely on a dream, but it is
no dream for them. And when you inevitably leave , as you always do,
you leave behind a flower so crushed that it could severely damage her
daily life. Plagued by images of you courting more beautiful
Vietnamese women, she will not be able to concentrate on work and
will be severely reprimanded by her ogre boss. Or, caught up in
daydreams about the time you where there, she will cheerlessly traverse
down the same roads you walked down together , (although in reality
you never walked down them together because that would be wrong. You
actually had to trail 10 feet behind her to make it proper) she will
absent mindedly walk these avenues putting herself in harms way as the
motorbike traffic dodges the cheerless dreamer.
Have you ever been to a wildlife preserve and a conservationist
sternly warns you not to feed the wild animals? He is not saying this
because he is a mean, green tree hugger. It is because your food is
foreign to the animals’ stomachs and can give them digestive problems.
You have bacteria on your hands that they have no natural immunity to
and it can be fatal to them. Or, even worse, you may make them bold
and brash around humans so that they venture further and further into
people’s territory, eventually leading to their destruction when they
are deemed ‘dangerously inappropriate.’ Well, think of Vietnam in much
the same manner. From dating the women to over-paying beggar children-
you can’t imagine the repercussions. But they are there, they are
very real, and they will be repercussing long after you haul your
sorry ass out of town.
Although you may be reading this, you may already be thinking how it
won’t happen to you, how you can avoid these same issues. Well, you
can’t. At best, in the end, you might leave town with a dreamy heart
and fond memories. But you will inexorably leave behind a girl who
will wait until the end of time for your return, or a heart so broken
that it would be like crushing a newly blossomed flower. And if you
think maybe you will at least hook-up for a night - forget about it.
Not gonna happen. You can’t even walk down the street next to your
partner at risk of them being labeled a whore for as long as they live
in that town, which will be forever since they are too poor to ever
leave .
So, unless you plan on taking her to the alter, don’t take her to
dinner.
And if this is still not enough to convince you to look but not to
touch, picture your worst, most heart-wrenching breakup ever.
Remember that psycho ex-girlfriend who somehow became your girlfriend
without you knowing when or how? And when you try to kick her to the
curb her pained look haunts you in your sleep. She will find you and
recount your broken promises one by one. And while you don’t remember
actually making these promises, she will almost convince you that you
did actually say it, twisting your every word into a slipknot. And as
you try to talk yourself out of it the noose only gets tighter and
tighter.
Look, I am not innocent here. Obviously I am talking from experience.
But I am regretful. So, heed me now- although the fruits of
temptation may lay low in Hoi An, the lotus blossom floats delicately
down the Mekong, the apples of desire lie deliciously all around Ho Chi
Minh the taste is not as sweet as imagined and it will linger for a
long long time in the mouths of all parties involved.
Sincerely,
A Regretful Traveler
