Teacher terror

I feel as if I'm hurtling out of an airplane head first and am unsure whether I have a parachute in my pack. I start teaching tomorrow at ELS and have been wracked by fear for the last three days. Will my students throw rotten food at me? Will I be faced by insolent faces in strong defiance of learning? The uncertainty is killing me. I'm aware that I'll most probably encounter charming young Vietnamese students eager to learn more about me and my language and that everything will be fine. But for right now, the teacher terror has taken hold...

It just gets more bizarre

The Western male/Vietnamese lady situation gets increasingly bizarre as the days roll by. Western men everywhere seem to be mesmerized and lured in by the hypnotic beauty of the Asian woman. As white women we thought we were a rejected group of smelly Western beasts at the very bottom of the barrel of dating in Vietnam. Everywhere you look there are minute beauties petting and serving and smiling at their hunk of Western male. It became depressing. Friends of mine despaired for their celibacy.

But it is becoming starkly obvious that the ladies of this country are living in a la-la land of deception, desperation and self-subjugation. It's easy for a white man to get a date... it's easier to be solicited at one of the countless working girl bars in Saigon. But the ladies aren't the man-eating delicacies they present themselves to be. Instead, most of them are seeking an escape to American shores or are awaiting a knight in shining armor to fulfil their life long daydream of love.

One friend dated an independent business-owner for less than a week before she began insisting that he lived above her home where she could keep an eye on him. She passed on all of her business decisions to him and continuously sent him text messages requesting his presence. At first it was flattering. Then it became suffocating. And now it's just plain mind boggling. He went to her restaurant yesterday to break up with her only to find out that this whole time she's been married with a three and half year old child who she had said was her nephew. She's also in the process of a $30,000 business transaction that will grant her an American husband and thus an entry way to the United States. My friend now realizes that she saw him as a way out, no more, no less. Out of what? Out of a country where she's at the top of the food chain with her business and home and family? Into a country where her passable English and meager dollar savings will present her very little momentum to build herself up?

My male friends are beginning to swear off the women. They're lovely to look at but are less fun than a tangled thorn bush to become involved with. They continuously twist the truth and only view passports when they see white skin. As I listen to story after story of men being lured in by Asian beauties I can only think that playing with these hot women really will get you burnt.

Adaptation

Human beings are remarkably versatile. My experience here is proving that we can adapt to almost any change in climate, culture or situation. Hundreds of expats arrive in this city and are initially sweaty, sticky, scared and overwhelmed. But we get used to our surroundings. We learn how to cross the chaotic roads without blinking an eye. We forget that ice is a taboo for our foreign stomachs and begin to drink it with everything. We no longer gawk at bizarre behavior and instead incorporate the habits into our own lives. Regardless of what our cultural conditioning has taught us, we can change our perspectives in a matter of weeks if we allow ourselves to be open to new ideas, concepts, sights, sounds.

Disturbing

Last night while drinking at one of our favorite street side cafes, a small boy no older than 12 joined our group. He was covered in filth from head to toe and by his expression on his face, my immediate assumption was that he was mentally retarded. The boy jumped in our laps lovingly and hugged us and tried to kiss our necks. I was a little put out by the situation and wasn't entirely comfortable.

One of our friends who speaks Vietnamese found out that this boy is a heroin addict and is infected by HIV. My heart breaks for this child who has no future and whose present is clouded over by drugs. I went home and scrubbed myself clean and was able to rid that dirt but no matter how hard I try I can't scrub the mental image from my mind.

Back to reality

The vacation is officially over. Today we happily returned to the sweltering heat and chaos of Saigon to be met by close friends and a good meal. The traffic hasn't ceased to be insane and daunting yet the energy is still abundant, alive and invigorating.

104 Wives and Fifty Course Meals

Today we visited the Mausoleum of Tu Duc outside of Hue. Emperor Tu Duc was a romantic poet trying to rule Vietnam at a time when the Western world was challenging the country's independence. (I'll thank Rough Guides for that quote...) Tu Duc's mausoleum has been preserved and is peaceful and majestic and solemn. It has history swirling through its green fields, it's crumbling ruins and it's ancient halls. It rained the entire time we were there so we wandered through with our purple ponchos admiring the solemnity of the land.

Apparently Tu Duc was quite an indulgent man. Besides his ruling of the kingdom and his 4000 some poems that he wrote, he somehow managed to find time (and energy) to eat fifty course meals, marry 104 women and keep an entire village of concubines in his nearby park. With these statistics, he could've spent every day with a wife and still only have seen each one thirty times. And he could have donated a course from each meal to every week in the year. The irony is that every building in the mausoleum has "khiem" (meaning modest) incorporated in it's name. Hardly!!

Dave's take on the ladies of Vietnam

Coming soon to a blog near you...

Fresh blood (s)

Matt's venturing out of U.S territory and is arriving in Saigon today. He's gonna be documenting his adventures online and should have a totally different perspective from mine and my fellow blogger's.

Yo, amendment. Carrie seems to have entered the blogosphere too. And Megan. In fact, everyone seems to be documenting their journeys and musings. Check them out.

Off the beaten track

Today our trusty tourguide Minh took us on a day's journey through the villages and countryside of central Vietnam on the back of motorbikes. We wound our way through narrow roads where villagers poked their heads out of their homes cautiously and young, careless children chased us down the dirt paths shouting "Hello!" We passed through rice fields that extended beyond our vision and rivers that swirled below us.

We made various stops along the way including a pottery village where we swirled clay bowls in our hands while old ladies without teeth watched on. We made rice paper with a family who were too embarassed to have their photo taken because of their shabby clothing. We watched silk worms weave their wares and then looked on as a string of women extracted silk thread from cocoons and wove it into reams of golden silk.

We then made our way down to My Son, a majestic cham king burial site 40km southwest of Hoi An that was built in the 7th-13th centuries. French archaelogists stumbled upon the ruins in the late nineteenth century and re-constructed the evocative and powerful towers. In the sixties, the Viet Cong based themselves in My Son which led to multiple poundings of attacks by the Americans. The effect of the damage permeates the site, with one entire grouping completely ruined.

The day ended with another visit to the tailors where we tried on our exquisitely made clothing and put in more orders for tomorrow. Hoi An is where it's at.

Hoi An

We boarded a train in Nha Trang last night and were led to our bunk room. A Vietnamese family of three were already there and we sat down opposite them but were greeted by stony cold stares and an awkward silence. I giggled and Dave caught on immediately afterwards. Soon the two of us were engulfed in uncontrollable yet awkward laughter as we looked on at our unwelcoming bunkmates.

After a 45 minute xe om ride through the rice fields between Danang and Hoi An, our drivers dropped us at a beautiful hotel. We spent the day winding our way through the peaceful, historic and charming streets of Hoi An where rows of tailors pored over reams of silk, chickens lay tied together awaiting their fate and cheerful women stirred up feasts on the side of the road.

We stopped in at the famous Mr. Xe, a tailor who constructs entire wardrobes of clothing for under $100. We bargained and evaluated our clothing choices before we were issued our meager check and sent on our way. Our custom made clothes will be ready tomorrow...

This evening we hired a motorbike and I said a small prayer before we whisked off to Cua Dai Beach where Vietnamese school children ran relay races, tourists got caught in a surprise wave that crashed over their fully clothed bodies and the sun receded behind the palm trees. And now we're off to further explore the city and sample the culinary delights that this city has to offer.

The islands

Five tropical islands off the coast of Nha Trang welcomed eight foreign travellers to their shores. We hired a private boat and spent the day cruising the crystal waters and basking in the sun with beers in our hands. The snorkelling wasn't fantastic and the Fishing Village where we were taken for lunch was vastly overpriced but it was an idyllic day spent with good company and awesome scenery.

Lobster and prawns on the beach

We were riding the waves in Nha Trang when our friend called our attention. A Vietnamese lady had passed by with buckets full of fresh lobster, shrimp and prawns and wanted to know if we were hungry. We heartily accepted her offer and she proceeded to grill us our feast on the beach with the sun beating down on our backs. I took a moment to step back and savor the taste of the smokey seafood, the burn of the sun on my bare shoulders. I felt a surge of contentment and happiness. This is the life.

Cu Chi Tunnels

Only a few hours away from the city buzz of Saigon, lies an underground hybrid called the Cu Chi tunnels which the Viet Cong used to fight their guerilla war against American soldiers.

Before starting the tour, we watched a 20 minute film that was essentially no more than a Communist propaganda tool. It spoke of the enormous heroism that the Viet Cong employed to defeat Americans and labelled one guerilla soldier as "an American killer hero" for killing hundreds of American troops.

We were then led through the territory which was filled with entrances to the underground tunnels, kitchens, army tanks and meeting rooms. We climbed through one 100 meter tunnel which was suffocatingly stifling, small (even though it had been made bigger for us large Westerners) and constricting. I found myself longing to be outside again after just a few minutes underground.

It was a fascinating tour, especially when one considers that the war was being fought only 30 years ago and now Americans are freely allowed access to what was once enemy territory.

Certified

This afternoon I walked out of my last TEFL class and am officially a certified TEFL teacher, which grants me the ability and experience to teach English as a foreign language in any country in the world. It's a marketable qualification and an enormous benefit to people around the world seeking to enter the world as an English speaker.

In two weeks I'll start teaching Vietnamese students English and conditioning them to American education standards before they move to the States to begin their lives there.

Agent Orange Fundraiser in New York

FUNDRAISER FILM EVENT TO BENEFIT THE VIETNAM ASSOCIATION FOR VICTIMS OF AGENT ORANGE

*WHEN: *Tuesday, November 9, 2004, 6:00-9:45 P.M.

*WHERE: *The ImaginAsian Theater in New York City on 59th Street(between 2nd & 3rd Avenues)

*WHAT: *Two Films, Guest Speakers & Performance:

· 6:00-7:00 PM the NY premiere of Battles Poison Cloud by Cecile Trijssenaar (England) A documentary film examining the long-term health and environmental damage of the use of Agent Orange in Viet Nam.

· 8:00-9:00 PM A Story from the Corner of a Park by Tran Van Thuy (Vietnam) A documentary film that portrays a day in the life of a Vietnamese veteran who was exposed to Agent Orange during the war years.

· Special guest performance by influential singer & songwriter

· Between and following the film showings, the filmmakers and special-guest speakers will lead discussions regarding the issue of Agent Orange, the current lawsuit against U.S. chemical companies, and Agent Orange's effects on Vietnam, the country and its people.

*WHY: Raise Awareness and Funds for the VAVA?

· A not-for-profit, non-governmental Vietnamese organization devoted to raising funds to assist Vietnamese victims of ! Agent Orange (AO). Over one million Vietnamese people (including children) are believed to be affected by Agent Orange (the defoliant sprayed over Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia from 1961-71 during the Vietnam War).

· VAVA has also brought a lawsuit against manufacturers of Agent
Orange in U.S. federal court in New York (*_none_* of the proceeds from
this event will be applied towards attorneys? fees or costs.*)*

*DONATIONS*: $30.00 for one film + one item made by disabled Vietnamese children **

$45.00 for both films + one item made by disabled Vietnamese children

20% discount for students **

**To purchase tickets, visit www.ffrd.org .

355 West 39th St. New York, NY 10018. Tel: 212-760-9903 Fax: 212-760-9906

Volunteers are welcome, call Trinh at 718-496-9137 or email her at tbk@nyc.rr.com

Gum kids

I have fallen madly in love with Vietnamese children. Not only are they cute but they're charming, sassy and have a lot of attitude. Every time we sit at the street cafes here in Saigon, we get bombarded by kids ranging from 5 to 15 years old who are selling gum, roses, gum, lottery tickets and more gum. A friend of mine consistently succumbs to the pressure of the pleas (and not to mention the painful massages that are meant to entice) and has accumulated a collection of chewing gum far greater than any one person could need.

These kids are persistent and won't take no for an answer which can get overwhelming, especially when you consider that they are often not allowed to go home without a full pocket of cash from their night's earnings. So I've now become a regular gum chewer because who could resist buying gum from these cuties?

Menu choices

As a vegetarian, I'm somewhat restricted in what I can eat in Vietnam. Menu's tend to be very long and diverse, but 80% or more of the dishes tends to be meat which is fine with me. Once we've cancelled out the option of eating flesh I'm a very easy girl to feed.

Some of the menu items here have been somewhat startling and surprising to say the least. I've seen options such as deep fried bowels, sauteed goat testicles and boneless chicken feet. Snake meat and blood is considered a delicacy and is often given to foreigners as a test of a strong stomach.

Two nights ago we went to a restaurant where you can barbeque your own meat. At one stage I ventured off to the bathroom only to see a crowd of Vietnamese surrounding an armadillo who seemed confused, disorientated and scared. Apparently this is also quite the delicacy and one small armadillo goes for $100 a pop. When a meal at a really nice restaurant costs about $3-$5, one of those scaly creatures must be pretty tasty to cost that much money!

friendly people

Every day after class I'm surrounded by hordes of students grilling me for information about my life, my family and my marital status. One of the most fequent questions is what I think of the Vietnamese people and my positive response always ellicits surprise and giggles.

It's amazing to me how friendly and accomodating the Vietnamese people are. At every step along the way, they seem to be going out of their way to point us in the right direction and be friendly. Expats who have been here for a longer time will tell you that most Vietnamese are always out to scam you out of money, but in my experience they aren't trying to be anything but nice and helpful. Of course there are times when they're pushing their limits with naive tourists who don't know any better but it's all relative when you consider that the average Westerner is making five times the amount of the average Vietnamese.

Lunch break for the law

Today we went to our favorite buddhist restaurant near the TEFL training center. We were walking to meet our trainer who went there on his motorbike when we saw him standing on the side of the road with no shirt on. At first we thought he was playing a practical joke but we soon learnt that he had been hit by someone who wasn't paying attention to the traffic lights. (No one in this country pays attention to the traffic signals, they may as well not even have any in the first place!)

Nash had manged to fly through the air, land and roll conveniently on his shoulder, jump to his feet and grab the keys from the ignition of the offenders motorbike. Luckily he wasn't hurt but had dislocated his arm from it's socket...it was quite the sight to see him standing there with a loose arm. And the police were nowhere to be found. As one Vietnamese bystander said, "The police? No, they're on their lunchbreak." Amazing that in a country where the law trumps all, not one police man can be found in the 2 hour lunch break of Vietnam!!

Student death in Saigon

A young Brown University student travelling through Vietnam died last night in her sleep. A fellow TEFL trainee who recently graduated from Brown received an email this morning with the news. My classmate had thought she saw the girl passing a restaurant two nights ago but she didn't say hello. She was planning on emailing her friends to confirm whether it was her when she received the news. According to the Brown Daily Herald, the girl died of acute heart failure caused by double hemorrhagic pneumonia. She had seemed tired but healthy when she went to sleep last night and had died in her sleep.

The girls who knew her are rightfully freaked out and scared. There's a somber atmosphere here at TEFL this morning as everyone considers the immediacy of the attack.

Scrambled Bush

While everyone in the States settled down after dinner to watch the second Presidential debate between Kerry and Bush, in Saigon we roused ourselves on a Saturday morning to the sound of an 8am alarm clock. Talk about dedicated politics...

The debates themselves were more often than not nonsensical and frustrating, but we had the added pleasure of receiving very little signal throughout the debate. For periods of 10 minutes, we often watched Bush or Kerry in fragments, blurting out monosyllabic utterances on a scrambled screen. While the press is calling Bush the clear winner, I couldn't believe what an embarassment the U.S President is. I found myself wondering whether he was more believable in the inaudible oration that we received.

5:30am whammies...

Anyone who knows my sleeping patterns will find it very amusing to hear that I not only have to start teaching at 7:30am every morning, but that it requires a 5:30am wake up call! Yes, I am now officially an early riser (for the next week, at least). As my brother said on the phone this morning, "You wake up early? That's impossible!"

Teacher Alison

Yesterday I stood up in front of 20 students and took a deep breath before plunging into my first solo teaching experience. After my trainer had given us emergency instructions about what to do when kids start throwing chairs around the room, I was overjoyed to find students who were not only compliant but also enthusiastic and fun! I spent the lesson modelling dialogue, getting students to practice their English and playing games that became energized and, at times, quite rowdy.

While elliciting answers onto to the blackboard to the question, "who are you going with?" one student stood up and whispered in her loudest classroom whisper, "I'm going with mmy Alison."

Teacher Alison...ha. Who would have known?

Right back at ya...

A certain blogger who lives in Saigon seems to be drawing unecessary attention to my juvenile rambles. He's far more knowledgeable about Vietnamese culture and history than I ever hope to be so you should all check out what he has to say.

Oh, and it's his birthday tomorrow (October 7th) so send tons of birthday wishes...

Public relief/ disbelief

There's a severe lack of public bathrooms in Ho Chi Minh City. I often find myself darting around frantically trying to locate a restroom. But it doesn't seem to deter the men here in the slightest. It seems as if anyone and everyone is relieving themselves on the pavement/in the street/on the trees/in the river.

You name it, they're peeing on it.

Attack of the aliens

16 Western TEFL trainees arrived at a high school in Saigon this morning and were greeted by astonished stares and gasps. By the reception we received, one would have thought that our group had scales all over our bodies and horns growing out of our heads. Because the country only opened up to the international community about ten years ago, many Vietnamese have had little to no contact with foreigners and find the experience to be quite overwhelming.

As we walked through the campus, we were followed by hundreds of pairs of eyes that absorbed our every move, our white skins, our Western clothes, our large bodies. It was a daunting cultural experience that made me realize how Western my neighborhood is in comparison to the rest of the country and how little exposure Vietnam has had to foreigners. It's exciting to think that our very presence is still causing the commotion that rarely exists in today's touristy world.

Mui Ne Madness

In order to escape the crowds of motorbikes, rain showers and general craziness of Saigon, this weekend four of us ventured up the coast of Vietnam to a sleepy beach town only to find more motorbike mayhem and dramatic rain showers.

The scenery was idyllic. We rented bungalows that were 100 meters away from the ocean and fell asleep listening to the crash of the waves. It was a cliche in a landscape, if I may say so myself. After a power tanning session on the beach, we rented motorbikes and took off to explore the adjoining towns and scenery.

Unfortunately two of my friends managed to crash their motorbike in a highly dramatic and wobbly accident. Neither of them were badly injured but we really did adhere to the stereotype of Western tourists once the entire town rushed over to check out the action. Once the drama was disinfected and bandaged up, we then proceeded to run out of gas, drive half the way home in a torrential rain storm in the dark with no street lights and get home soaked, freaked out and generally happy to have survived. All in all, it was a great story to be told in the past tense.

The orange effect

Having lived in both Cape Town and New York, I am used to the sight of filthy street children and haggard homeless people. As a result, the large number of beggars here hasn’t had as great an effect on me as it has on some of my fellow travellers.

But I started to notice the difference between children trying to make money for schoolbooks and countless deformed men, women and children who are missing their legs, eyes, arms, skin. And then it sunk in that the cause of many of these physical defects lies in the American use of Agent Orange throughout the American War.

While conclusive research shows that the chemical is still today creating environmental chaos, poisoning the food chain and causing serious damage on human health, the U.S has arrogantly claimed that the chemical has had no long lasting effects and has refused to offer any kind of aid.

According to the BBC, children born in areas that were sprayed are:

· More than three times as likely to have cleft palates
· More than three times as likely to be mentally retarded
· More than three times as likely to have extra fingers or toes
· Nearly eight times as likely to suffer hernias

Whether the U.S continues to deny the effects of its chemical weapon, the realities of it are here walking the streets and tugging on our sleeves. They serve as heartwrenching reminders of the Vietnam/American war and the tragic effect it's had on this country.